WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
