i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
