The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
