Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
