So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Randomize
