2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
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