Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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