so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
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