3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
