His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Randomize
