Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
