i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
