apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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