some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
