I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Best friends brother. Beat that.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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