I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
The adults are the big ones right?
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
