twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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