I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
