Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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