when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
