Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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