I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
