is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
