I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
