forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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