So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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