Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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