I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
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