honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
