??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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