to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
