Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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