you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
only you would photoshop your dick
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize
