i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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