Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
50% drunk capacity currently
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
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