I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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