So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
