u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
