I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
