Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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