if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
