I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
i wish my penis had a tongue
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
