I am spending my child support on dildos
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
