jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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