Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Randomize
