Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I smell like Dick and happiness
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
