His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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