this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
They should really pass out barf bags in church
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
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