1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
