I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
and you said cock pushups were impossible
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
