I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
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