whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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