fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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