Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Randomize
