also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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