I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
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