Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
