i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I need to calm my uterus...
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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